It's 4 in the morning, not the first time I woke up with a start in the middle of the night, and I'm certain it's not the last time either. The recurrent insomnia and sleeping problem defeat me like a great wave overwhelms a boat.
I find myself at a loss when I rouse suddenly in the midnight, I can't sleep after, not even sleep a wink, or just say I'm immune from sleep, I don't feel tired, without drowsiness and sleepiness. All I can do is lie awake, gaze at the ceiling, in a dim room with a ray of moonlight shining through the window, helplessly, all by myself.
These nights have been tough and I almost made a nerve. I can't take it any longer. I try to lie down and convince my eyes to rest, put on my headphones and listen to Yiruma's, hope it works, keep my finger crossed. Give it one last shot, before I decide whether I should see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. The last thing I wanna do is to take tranquilizer and pills.
When I was aroused tonight, it was all of a sudden, something hit me. I still can't get rid of the conversation we had earlier tonight. Like I said, someday when we look back we'll regret that we're not even fighting for us now. The reason might be a reason, or an excuse.
I don't like to leave it hanging in between friendship and relationship. I'm serious type, if I fall, I fall hard. Relatively if it was apparently a fling, I wouldn't be clinging but we both know it's more than just hookup and random casual stuff. Tell me how to let go and move on when there's obviously something going on between you and I? I'm reluctant to...
This entry was posted
on Friday, July 10, 2009
at 9:00 PM
and is filed under
insomnia,
restless,
sleepless
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