I've always been told that I look fierce, real mean and tough - just one who ain't easy to get along with. Well perhaps I am, I acquiesce in this accusation. I'm already so freakin' fed up with these labels: demanding, crabby, hard, coy, mood-swinger, et cetera. In fact, I'm just holdin' on to my own principles to live my life my way...


Frankly speaking, I am neither strong nor too fragile. Most of the time I also need someone to talk to, someone who is pure-hearted, someone who doesn't need to understand exactly how I feel when I'm down but would tell me that he does understand well just how I feel just to convince me that I'm not alone. I'm not admitting that I'm vulnerable and in need of protection like a lil infant by saying this. But I'm so friggin' tired of walking all on my own. Why in the world do I feel like I'm so unwanted and unloved at times? I know I'm not abandoned and isolated as I am still able to get myself participated in the crowds. Nevertheless I'd ask for a confidant than a big bunch of casual acquaintances, I ain't effing calling too much, am I? Yeah I'm just one who needs loads of love, care and attention...



Some people are real selfish. Sigh.. Someone who I've been giving the cold shoulder recently has come to me and asked for a heart-to-heart talk. Oh c'mon, I know you know just how I feel and why on earth I've been so effing cold!! I could have already gotten over you if you weren't kept bringing up the past and telling me about your relationship. I ain't in love with you but it just ain't feel good to know that you're with someone now after all the great times we spent together.

I now just can't help questioning your bona fide when you first came approaching to me! Gosh, I wish I ain't that innocent! Is it something to do with the differences of white's mindset and ours? Aww true, some Asian might be just bitchy as well but I'm definately not one (yeah? Probably!). I haven't mentioned the past just to hope we both could get over this so why the heck did you say that you can offer my friendship than love? Darn did I ask for it? If you wanna know, yeah I do still hate you for giving off the facade that you liked me and did the boyfriend-thangs to me and eventually awoke me and asking me to let go by uttering that I should have known this is the way the story would end up! So if you're upset just 'cuz I've been so frigging cold to you, you're the one to blame.

I can't fathom why in the world do you still bother to act like you freakin' care how I feel after the damage is done? Probably you're just trying your hardest to keep one more possible no-strings-attached-fun-bud. I got no clue what's in your head and I needn't to know either. Perhaps you're real genuine and hoping me to remain as a friend. We'll see in time. Argh! Another devastating night.. =(


wk

17/12